Shannon to Gatwick with Ryanair

‘So how was the flight?’ she asked.

‘Nothing interesting’ I answered without thinking.

‘But you flew Ryanair!’ she laughed.

She had a point. I had just flown from Shannon to Gatwick and I had witnessed the following:-

1.  Twenty or so adults pick up their belongings and run at full tilt from one gate to another so that they could maintain their places in the boarding queue. I was sitting at the time and couldn’t get my phone out of my pocket fast enough to take video.  Needless to say, it is a sight I will never forget.

2.  Everyone in the queue in front of me walk across the tarmac to join the queue at the door at the rear of the plane.  Myself and my travelling companion got the steps leading up to the forward door of the plane, looked at each other, looked at the long queue at the rear door and then mounted the steps straight on to the plane and were in our seats while the people who had been directly in front of us in the queue were standing on the tarmac at the bottom of the steps to the rear door.  I know this because I bumped my face off the plane trying to peer out the window.

3. The last passenger rushing onto the plane, sitting beside me, fumbling with her belongings in a terrible state, only to freeze in place once the plane began to taxi. She held onto both armrests with such force I thought she was going to pull them off.  She didn’t relax until the plane had taken off and was somewhat level again. It was at this point that I took out my ear plugs which I need on take off and landing to protect my ears and I realised she was talking to me.  When she saw me take out the earplugs she stopped what she was saying and told me she had been talking to me the entire time and hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t replying.

4. Ryanair trying to sell me everything from lottery tickets to an overpriced national newspaper. I know for fact that as soon as Michael O’Leary figures it out he will charge for the use of the toilets, as promised.

5. Landing so fast on at Gatwick that I thought we were going to drift around the first corner. The poor terrified girl beside me was pale by the time we ground to a sudden halt.  It took her nearly a minute to uncurl her fingers from the armrests. She again admitted that she had been talking to me the entire time during landing but this time she knew I couldn’t hear her.

6. On the way towards baggage claim we came to a set of stairs together with an elaborate, all around the world for sport, wheelchair/baggage cart ramp. Two people, in flight uniform, chose the wheelchair ramp and a good eighty percent of our flight followed them.  I nearly fell down the stairs laughing at the look on some of their faces when they saw the rest of us tramp down the stairs and get to the bottom before they reached the first turn of four on their little trek.

And so, I will never again say nothing interesting happened on a Ryanair flight, where the passengers are more sheep-like than actual sheep.